It’s been 6 months.
There’s something about taking your time and wallowing in pain and ease it out everyday as if nothing happened. You learn to throw your chances in the wind; every day is a struggle to look okay, to be calmer, happier and conceal what’s there to conceal. Until one day, you’d wake up and everything is NORMAL. You’re back to square one, and you let the day flow and goes by with that normality.
It took me six months to get over that grey world I’ve found myself surrounding me. Everyday for those months, I ached in pain, I cried inside, I was tormented by that self-pity, the self-loathing, self-degrading truth. I was back to being abandoned. I was back to being confused as to the whys and hows and even to the self-amusing’s “I told you so” stages. I was like a ball rolling endlessly without direction. That was me inside. That was six months of self-torturing. I did not grieve. Why should I, why would I, when I wasn’t sure what really happened. I just woke up one day and I was alone again…Naturally.
My 2 previous blogs, were made out of happy truth, happy emotions and happiness was really there, but like most good stories, it had to come to an end. I was contemplating on starting a new site, revamp this entire blog site of mine and just deal with the NOW… but I realize to move away from it is a lie. I will not delete the previous blogs because it was the proof that I had it happy before, that for once in my life, I was loved, I was able to share myself to someone without conditions, that was the happy me. That was the happy US. That was THEN. This is NOW. A continuation of my life. It should make me better not BITTER.
Today, the sun shines bright. As I inch my way to getting out of the dumps I sulked myself in for months, I am ready to move on and move forward. Life has its ups and downs, mine might have leaned to more on the downs but I am a firm believer that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I am back to typing my thoughts again.
I am ready to explore life once again.
Life is a continuous growth. It does not stop because of one pain. It does not stay unchanged. Time to get up…Move on and Move Forward with every step full of hope. Let life takes you to your journey whatever happens, MOVE!
“My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive – I’ll find love again.”